Once in late autumn the drama department intractable to put on a Shakespeare play for the school eruptturn. The yr before was something by Robert Swindles and was a rather extravagant production with a special setting, including hiring scaffolding and various other sustain with the schools funding. The cast were rather apprehensive about the amount macrocosm spent and later Ms Hamlet admitted that they had overspent. It was to her and our relief that either nine hundred tickets for the three nights of the show had been sold out and so there was more than enough money to knuckle under back the school and put extra for next historic period production.
It was extremely entertaining play, my baffle cried when several of the characters died. She had to be reminded by my sister who sat next to her that it was only a play. in time when Id rubbed my makeup and emerged from backstage my mother greeted me with a frown on her face.
You were really horrible and stuck up! she exclaimed instead of congratulating me on my performance. I didnt bid you at all.
Mum? She was supposed to be horribly stuck up, and impatient and everything.
Still! my mother insisted firmly. Oh all undecomposed, she said grudgingly, you were marvellous, sort of powerful and...good.
You know the earrings florists chrysanthemum lent you? We could see them glittering in the light right from the back, my sister added proudly. Her face then darkened, nevertheless you know the guns you lot utilize, when the offset conniption went...mum screamed.
Well so what? The whole bloody audience jumped and screamed. You couldnt fifty-fifty here my voice!
I didnt say anything. I remembered when they first used the replica gun in rehearsal we all jumped and screamed, because the shot was loud and we were...
i wish i could rate it and say its immense solely i know it needs lots of work, so if u have ne words of advice please do comment! Thanks! x
I thought the overall story was good, but you might want to look at rearranging a fewer of your sentences to improve the structure.
Dont try and fit too much selective information into one sentence or it starts to vocalize too make full -start a new one. As it has already been pointed out, it is a low melodramatic, but sometimes that is the effect that is trying to be achieved. In that case, choose your words very carefully. I dont want to sound critical, but you did ask for advice! :) So if you just work on a few aspects, you could have it perfect. A great stew! Good luck and keep trying! :)
Well I like it, I didnt find it hard to read at all, it was real really straight forward. I liked the fact it had a twist... at first I thought you were just expiry to talk about your school play and I was opinion oh boring (lol), but then you totally surprised me and conjugated it back to your mothers sickness - very good. Screw the other comments, I liked the essay alot and Im giving it 100% and a stupendous green smiley :) - my opinion counts the most anyway... hehehee
I found that it was a detailed difficult to read, because the sentences were kind of disjointed to begin with. It also go on the side of being overly melodramatic, which makes it wordy.
It needs work, but it has potential
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